Unconditional Love

Yesterday I learned the meaning of Unconditional Love. If you had asked me prior to yesterday what I thought unconditional love meant I would have been lost to give you a definition – not because I had not heard or read about the concept. I “knew” and have debated the concept on many an occasion. Sometimes as a theoretical discussion but more often it looked like emotional warfare. And we know who had to be right, me of course.

What happened yesterday that was different? I spent time with a man who lives unconditional love. And yes of course I argued for what I believed Love has to look like, feel like, etc. And guess what? I realized I was putting out a lot of conditions on who is allowed to love me and who I am going to love. He very gently pointed out how many conditions I put out to the universe.

How do I know he lives unconditional love? Sure he told me he doesn’t put conditions on his friendships, his romantic partners, his family, etc. And a good part of me understood. Last night after we departed it hit me – This is a man who unconditionally RECEIVES LOVE. He unconditionally Gives and he unconditionally receives love. He emanates love. And that was when i got smacked with the metaphysical 2×4. I want to be unconditionally loving however I like so many put up barriers to receiving love if it doesn’t look like I want it to look.



Cosmic Irony

Last weekend I attended Satori L-1 of I Achieve Mastery® achievemastery.net. I had a very specific intention to get unstuck. I was feeling like Pooh when he gets stuck, push, pull no movement and ass totally exposed. Towards the end of the seminar while with my Master Mind Group I boldly claimed my intention of getting paid to write. This was my next move. Meanwhile I was in a total block. I had not blogged or done a thing to move my writing forward since October 31 except ruminate on my lack of output. There was so much in my life I was grateful for and had visions of me writing about all the good going on in my life, except I was not sitting down to write my awesome inspirational stories. I had attended Celebrate Your Life to see my favorite Metaphysical Goddess Doreen Virtue two weeks ago and that same night I put my name into the drawing to win a scholarship to the Achieve Mastery Weekend Workshop and won! Both events were inspirational, uplifting and life affirming.
Where is the Cosmic Irony in this story? All the good coming into my life didn’t get me writing. I finally sat down and wrote again after the Shell Station incident where I was accused of trying to scam them out of $20.0o. My first paying gig, only it was in reverse. Next time and forever more, I am the one receiving monies to write.

Mental Prison VS Mental Freedom

Practicing what I learned at SATORI L-1 of Achieve Mastery with Jack Duchene

Today I learned an important lesson about not taking what someone says to me personally. It is not about me, but about them. In retrospect I had an opportunity to not take it personally when it was happening but as we all know hindsight is 20/20. I admit today has been a day of moving in and out of mental prison and mental freedom (achievemastery.net).

This morning I was verbally attacked by an employee of a local Shell Station. Before buying gas I went to my bank and withdrew $60.00 from the ATM for the sole purpose of purchasing gas. I go in to pay for Gas before pumping. I was close to empty so it could have gone either way over or under $40.00. I hand the cashier the $60.00 and tell him “I want a fill up and it probably won’t be over 40.00 but in case…” I pump my gas and top it to make it an even $38.00. When I return back inside, the cashier hands me $2.00 back. I politely tell him he owes me $20.00 as I had given him $60.00. And this is where the ‘conversation’ stopped. He adamantly told me I have him $40.00 and he had put two 20s in the register. He accused me of trying to scam him but it was on tape, he ran the tape (not seen by me) and again said he put two 20s in the register. Somewhere I asked him to take my name and number and if the register came up 20.00 over to please call me. He didn’t want to take my information because for him there was no reason, I was lying about giving him 3 20s. It didn’t matter what I said, he didn’t see or hear me, he saw and heard a person who was trying to scam him out of $20.00. He reluctantly agreed to take my name and number (persistence does work I guess). He wasn’t done though, He asked if the number I wrote down was mine and is it working?” I showed it to him and then he called it while I was standing there.

After crying in the car and boo hooing to a friend I took her advise and called Shell and made a complaint. I felt better but not quite back to square one. In my mind I was never going back to that Shell Station, a place I specifically chose this morning because in the past they were always so courteous and customer friendly. Did I want to be that person? No. I moved to empathy. I walked in to the Shell Station with my perspective ‘ The world is trusting, of course I can hand over more than enough for my gas and my change will be returned to me. I want to give them my business. His view at that moment was apparently the world is not trusting and everyone who walks in here is trying to take (he did indicate people like me were keeping him from making a living). I didn’t want to not have peace in my heart so I started praying for peace of mind and heart for him.

She who prayed was my higher self. The not so higher me was still put out. The interaction left me feeling psychically attacked. I felt so vulnerable, so hurt, so less than. I started questioning myself, was I dressed wrong? Did I not use the right words, what did I do wrong in that interaction, what was my part in its deterioration? I kept trying to personalize it. Later in the day I got a roll of quarters and handed the cashier a 20 dollar bill and told him “I would like a roll of quarters and a 10 back.” He laughed and said “See how you are?” Do I want to be that person? No. I want to continue to be me, the chick who trusts the person on the other end of the transaction and visa versa.

Transmuting negativity back to Love

I had every intention of honoring and celebrating 55 years of life. But alas my little self was not participating in that plan. The closer my birthday got the more split I became – half of me was living in the moment – in awe, and then there was ME – prepping for a pity party – “I’m not with my family, why am I in the desert?  What was I thinking when I left New York?  There is no one around to tell me I matter to them, I”m lonely, I hate my apartment,  I can’t find my perfect job, I have no snow, I have no beloved and I know exactly why – because I am unloveable, ad nauseum.  At one point in my pity party I decided my single status could be changed if I had the right shoes.  It gets worse, I did not deserve to spend money for said bodacious shoes because I am unloveable and how do I know this? because I am not loving myself right now.  Sure it sounds inane and insane when put down  in print.  But the ego, or at least mine can very easily derail my most sacred thoughts and intentions if I am not vigilant of my thinking and proactive in my actions.  In retrospect I now understand I got scared – Celebrating my birthday as I had initially envisioned it required stepping out of my comfort zone, being very uncomfortable about inviting friends and acquaintances to help me celebrate and experience the blessings of my life.  Instead I slowly stopped my daily practices, those practices that keep me in the present and in a place of joyous gratitude.  I allowed myself to pick up thought forms that were not to my highest and best.   I started blaming external forces for my attitude.  I got real sensitive, my feelings got easily hurt.  My faith in my place wavered.  I had a tenuous hold to my core truths of Love and Light.

It is said that even in strife and tormoil there is a blessing.  For me, the blessings are numerous:  In the past would not have understood It was only my thoughts and feelings that were getting me in the way of my blessings.  In the past I would have crammed down the negative feelings with food.  I would have complained to anyone who would listen, because it was NEVER EVER my fault.  I would not have recognized it is absolutely OK to feel the feelings.  In allowing myself to just feel them and not judge  them I was able to pass through them and return to my true self.

So when did Rehecca, beam of Love and light return?  Yesterday, the day after my birthday.  I woke up still begrudging my existence, pissed off I had to go into work at my NOT PERFECT JOB with My NOT PERFECT HOURS and NOT PERFECT COMPENSATION.  I was lying in my bed trying to decide if I should just give in to an escapist nap or maybe get over my self, clear the mental cobwebs and reignite my inner light.  As I was lying there I had this vision of me standing over a big bucket of thoughts.  I saw myself bending over to pick out my thoughts from the infinite well of thoughts.  I could see what I had been doing over the past several weeks-picking up familiar thought forms “I can’t write, who would want to read what I have to say, I’ll never obtain the job I want, I’m  undeserving.  I’m unloveable, I  don’t fit, I’m ugly,  I’m overweight, I have wide  feet so I’ll  never find pretty shoes to flit around in, I’m anxious, I’m obsessive, I sabatoge myself, my mother was right, I’m fucked up ‘Rebecca you are my smartest child, but you are so fucked up.”  I had been battling myself and that was the moment I knew I could just stop it and choose my thoughts better.  If I was going to choose thoughts I want to make sure that I want the thoughts that glam on or hitchhike onto the core thughts.  As you see above, it initally may have started out with a small doubt but it picked up hitchhikers and grew expotentially.  It was the growth of those thoughts that gave them power to exhaust me.  For there is energy in our thoughts.   Negative thoughts are denser and vibrate at a lower fregency, i.e. they weighted me down.

My Affirmation/Prayer for attracting Love

God is Love,Omnipresent, Omnipotent and eternal. Love is throughout and within all. God breathes life, God is life. God is the breath I breathe.

As God is Love I am of God’s consciousness: the consciousness of Love, Infinite, Encompassing, Creative and Receptive. As God is the Infinite power back of all things, I as an expression of God have infinite power and am the driving force back of all things. God, the Infinite provider of all life, lives and moves and has its Being as me. It is the essence of who and what I am. I am made in the image and likeness of the Divine and at the core of my being is a Divine Blueprint of perfection. I am one with the Whole and the Power of Creation is my Power. This is the Truth of who I am – always has been, always will be. This is not only my Truth, but is the truth of everyone and everything under God’s Domain.

Invoking God and the Archangels: Michael(“He who is like God) and Raphael(God Heals) I Rebecca now speak my word. I accept that anything blocking me from seeing and knowing the Spiritual Truth of Love is now dissolved in all directions of time. I am grounded, surrounded and infused in Love. Love, so abundant and unlimited flows out of me and in to me. . Only Love is drawn to me, and only Love vibrates out of me. God’s Divine Blueprint of Love; Sacred and Holy is infused in my consciousness. In the infinity of life all is Whole, Perfect and Complete. God as Expressed in me is the Consciousness of Love. I deny and release any thoughts of separation from my source in all directions of time. I deny and release any thoughts of otherness from my source in all directions of time.

With deep and abiding gratitude I accept this prayer as already fulfilled. . With a joyful and thankful heart I accept and know I Embody the Consciousness of Love. , And now I release my prayer into the action of the Law, which I know can only say YES to my words of profound and complete faith. It is done and so very Good. I let go and I trust. And So It Is.

Shanti Om

Appreciating the Subtlety of Angelic Energy Healing

This has been a week of healing; subtle healing of self . I went to the wikepedia to look up the definition of subtle energy http://www.ask.com/wiki/Energy_(esotericism).  Although my brain can process it and intuitively understand the definition of subtle healing from the metaphysical paradigm – the me who has difficulty explaiining her depth of understanding shall give you Rebecca’s version of the experience of healing the self.

First a confession – I have an  ego problem – mine.  How do I know when my ego is driving me?  When I haven’t made a conscious decision to put the ego up and away.    When I feel all “twisted” up over something, someone or a situation – my ego is in the driver’s seat pouting ( I have to thank a co-worker of mine, Michael for the ‘twisted up” allegory).

This week I started noticing when my ego got involved ‘I’ was not getting my way and wanted to get an an attitude.  I have come to realize my ego is really sucky at interacting with the world.  The EGO’s go to phrases – How does this effect me?  ME ME ME — Me is scared, ME is put out Me doesn’t like You – Me needs this, needs that, ME needs YOU to do this ad nauseum.  The ego is the antithesis of Subtle.  Angelic Energy is ego less, ergo subtle.  Ego – Loud and frantic.  Ego – I want to feel good right now, not tomrrow, not in a week, – NOW, NOW, NOW.

To Be Continued- I’m off to a Concert at Creative Living Fellowship

I am so blessed.

Today at Service www.creativelivingfellowship.com Rev Michele’s talk was about how do we bring in our Good?  The answer was patience.  “There is a season for everything, a season for… (The Byrds).  For myself when I am in Gratitude for what I already have and am I notice little and big signs that let me know I am always, always in the loving embrace of Spirit and my Good is already here and there is much more to come.    The Angels love giving  me messages of love.  It is not a mystical woo woo message, quite the contrary – it is my dog snuggling up to me when I am contemplating, it is a smile or a hug exchanged between friends, it is exchanged laughter, exchanged joy, mutual admiration, sometimes it is as simple as  being reminded or feeling called to  remind someone else of the Truth, God is Love, God is in us and through us, ergo, we are love.

I envy those who can spontaneously speak a beautiful affirmative prayer.  That not being me – I leave myself and you with my simple prayer.

Thank You Spirit, Thank You God for my life, filled with love.  It is a blessed life and for that I am so grateful.  And so it is.

This is me,

Rebecca – I love You

A Message from Archangel Jophiel.

It has been at least a week since I last posted.  That is not to say I have not been connecting or communicating with the Angels.  Just in case you think or imagine I sit for hours  in the Lotus position deep in meditation to communicate or connect with the Angels you can rest assured – not so much. Half the time I sit and half the time it appears I am lying down and staring off.    Which is why I am actually quite surprised I  am connecting with them.  Earlier today  Jophiel “beauty of God” gave me a little pow wow.  How am I sure it was her?  I wasn’t until I opened up one of my research resources and read “Jophiel: Beauty Of God.”  My quick, down and dirty translation is Jophiel works with us to clean up our thoughts. My other clue ironically was she was concluding her talk with me while I was in the shower and I had an epiphany in the middle of soaping up.

From Doreen Virtues Archangels and Ascended Masters: A guide to Working and Healing with Divinities and Deities.

As the archangel of art and beauty, Jophiel helps us metaphsically and physically. First, Jophiel helps us think beautiful thoughts; to see and appreciate beauty around us;and to, therefore, create, manifest, and attract more beauty into our lives.  After all, beautiful thoughts lead to beautiful outcomes.

This week was a week of me having numerous opportunities to worry and fret.  I know though worry, stress, distress, fear, and all the other emotions that wreck havoc on our physical and emotional spheres disconnect us from our higher self, our divine self and from Spirit. Negative emotions are cosmic static.  Difficult sometimes for us or at least me  to break a pattern of behavior w/out kicking and screaming, digging my heels in, rationalizing, justifying, intellectualizing my perogative to be hanging out in a very low frequency.

Negative emotions in nutshell voids/negates the positive from coming in. I, you, we can not  hear, can not feel, can not know, can not sense our innate perfection. God is love, God is Peace,  God is Perfection, God is omnipotent, God is omnipresent.  God is abundance, God is Opulance.  God is eternal. God is unconditional.    God is in everything.  I, you, we all possess God’s Qualities.  When I’m in that negative place – I can only hear my own mental chatter.  I am in a state of unawareness for the beauty of life.

Back to my conversation with Jophiel:  Jophiel was yet again reminding me of all the ways I personally block divine guidance (turn down the volume, put earplugs in, take a detour, etc).  MY personal Go To answer for everything is Overeating and/or not listening to what my body is asking for to be at optimal performance. If I’m now beating myself up about what I have done, or havent done. If I am fixated on losing weight, or stuffed and now mentally sluggish I have blocked Spirit, the Angels, the Divine from reminding me what an Awesome, Beautiful Being I am. It is never just one negative emotion that visits, Oh NO, Pissed Off invites his or her friends, Cranky, Procrastination, Denial, Anxious, Moody,Bratty, Revenge and who ever else wants to gate crash.

Today’s lessons from Jophiel to me was for me to Clean up my thoughts about myself – What do we call that? Self Acceptance, Self-Esteem, Sense of Self-Worth.  Listen to the Angels who have been telling me for many months now to go out in nature, eat healthier, more specifically eat Vegatarian or Vegan and yes I have resisted this particular message.  “I can’t want to do that.”  But of course the Angels are creating urges in me to eat better and now that the weather is cooling off I have almost NO excuse left to not go out and walk or hike or engage in some other healthy activity.  The Angels only bring messages of Love because they are the Energy of Love just like God.